What Animal Would You Want to Be?

I have said it before and I’ll say it again I have no idea how we, as humans, ever survived as a species.  We come out completely helpless, even the ridiculous kangaroo can nudge its way to suckle on a teet.  We then get older and a simple cold keeps us in bed for a week…do other animals even get colds?! I have never seen a dog ignore someone because he or she had a headache.  It wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t have guns, lighters, a mode of transportation that didn’t hurt the grundle, modern medicine and a way to keep beer cold.

So that leads me to the question if you had to pick any other species to be which would that be?

What Other Animal Would You Like to Be?

The Wife just mentioned she’d like to be a dolphin because they seem to only have to fear a shark and they look like they are having fun all the time (side note: Dolphins are one of the only animals that have sex for fun).  Thank you for the input but sharks are scary as shit so no go on the dolphins.  This is not your late night fraternity discussion I think together we can reason a better answer than just “it would be cool to be a lion.”

  • I am not particularly a fan of living in fear so my first criteria is that I would be an apex predator.
  • Second, while I enjoy swimming I don’t want to do it full time
  • Third only weird people would choose a snake of any type. Unnatural creatures slithering around on the ground…disgusting.
  • Fourth, I am not a huge fan of extreme weather.  I understand that a polar bear has fur but you can’t tell me he isn’t cold while paw deep in the frigid waters of  the Arctic fishing out some seal.

Checking out the list of Apex Predators we have a lot to choose from (interpretation: A lot of wikipedia to read scan) even after applying our scientific elimination technique.  It seems we have four main categories:

  1. Feline Family
  2. Canine Family
  3. Primates
  4. Bears

I can’t get behind picking a primate since I believe we are already the dominate in that one. That and the eating of lice off each other just doesn’t sit well with me.  Unlike most conversations where I am willing to argue until I am blue in the face I feel like my choice could change based on my mood but I am running with:

The Asian Black Bear – I would prefer Japan but would take lower parts of Russia as well. 

Do you think my criteria are wrong? What would you have gone with?

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